- Published: Friday, 30 November 2018 05:33
- Written by Bethany Looyenga
As I mentioned in my previous post, I spent my childhood searching for my absent father. I was not successful in finding him, he had moved to another state, and there was just no way I had the means to contact him. God, on the other had knew where he was the entire time, and knew the aching pain and emptiness that was so deep within my heart because of this. I desperately wanted to know about my father! I, at least wanted to see him, or hear his voice, or at least decide for myself who he was.
I was engaged to be married at a very young age, 19 years old. And, about one week before the wedding, my mother and I drove to my grandmothers house to pay her a visit. Upon arriving, my grandmother was very hesitant to open her door, and her behaivor was so strange. She did finally let us in, she had company. There was a man visiting. He sat quietly in the lazyboy while we all talked to each other. Both my mother and grandmother seemed uncomfortable, but the conversation went on about the wedding plans and life. Then, the man suddenly announced that he was going out and would be back later. As soon as he went out the door my mother told me that he was my father.
I raced out of the house and intercepted my fathers path, preventing him from getting in his car. He couldn't look at me. I simply asked him if there was anything at all that he would like to say. He said no. In my young mind I believed I knew that he was a frightened man, and I did not need to search any longer.
God showed me a man that was running from himself, not from me. And, in time, I was able to get to know the man that ran. Even though he left a legacy of pain and negativity in many lives, he also taught me a lot. He taught me that it's not okay to run away from your children, or yourself.
Even when you don't expect them!
He taught me that loyalty to the people we love is of great value. I could not count on my father, not ever. But, I want the people in my life to count on me, and I want to count on others. This is who God is, and who He wants us to be.
He taught me that love is present. I never heard my father tell me that he loved me. NEVER.
And, he taught me that unexpected things happen all the time. I'm not going to know what to do some of those times, but God always knows, He's always prepared. God has my back. God knew the moment I was conceived that my father would run. God also knew that I would discover my identity comes from my heavenly Father not my runner father!
When the unexpected happens, keep going.